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| WARNING: EXTREME SATIRE/FAKE NEWS AHEAD Here's a little story I wrote in one of those boring moments, which I wish would come more often. Its up for submission on segfault:: Closely following the earthquake in Seattle, the Microsoft building was destroyed by a lone tank on a rampage. The tank after destroying the giant software maker's headquarters at Redmond completely, stopped and remained stationary. When the tank was opened, the Army found that it was empty. The tank was one of the few, which was being beta tested for automating routine tasks. The army had recently agreed on trying RedHat's (micro)Linux variation of the popular Operating System. Sources close to RedHat have confirmed that this idea was derived from an IRC chat transcript between dvNull and ReignStorm on irc.nixhelp.org regarding this story. The actual transcript is as follows: ReignStorm: dvNull check out this link http://www.linuxtoday.com.au/r/article/jsp/sid/440053 dvNull: heh, another item would be if the tanks autodrive to Redmond and destroy MS headquarters. ReignStorm: roflmao Hesiod, Painless, guru, sunshine, halo64, Dmadhatr, zer0byte and others logged in on the network at that moment were not available for comment. Further commenting on the sudden attack, the sources also reported that Matthew Szulik has been restless lately and whenever asked about Jim Allchin's comments regarding Linux, he would get a smug look on his face. Then he'd say cryptically, "Those Microsoft @#$&*#@'s will get what they deserve, wait till Linux's firepower hits 'em!" He'd also been known to mention "The Linux [think] tank is much more powerful that Microsoft can ever come up with!" "We never thought that he was referring to an actual tank", said Joe Smith, the President of Anti-Competitive Technologies at RedHat, requesting anonymity. He also didn't specify on how these instrictions were sent to the tank. The army is showing a lot of interest in the new technology. When contacted Matthew Szulik mentioned something about "God", "earthquake", "HIS will should be completed", and "tank did what the earthquake couldn't do" before bursting into demonical laughter. When we tried to contact Bill Gates, we were told by his secretary that he wan't available, although we could hear sobbing noises with "Mummy" repeated over and over again. The rest of the Microsoft Staff never had a chance. Firefighters mentioned that the damage was done mostly due to a lucky shot which overloaded the nuclear reactor in the basement, causing a meltdown. They also said that the reactor was put into place in-case the US was attacked by foreign powers, Microsoft would survive without external power, and provide service patches for glitches in their software in the defence network. The Army still remains mystified on how the tank was able to arm itself with Uranium tipped shells. |
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dvNull: thanx for the great idea in that email! |